Living in the Shadow of My Own Depravity: Looking for The Door - (My own poor attempt at poetry)
It seems that there is something gnawing at my heels. It is the shadow of my own depravity. The residue of his foulness is always behind. We live between two worlds, or may I say "The Land of The Knowledge of Good and Evil." There are times that I think that my depravity is destroyed utterly. It seems to have disappeared. Vain legalism and pride enter. Then I realize that I have been deceived. My holiness is vain and self-willed. Destruction is my lot. My depravity is lurking about, waiting for the best opportunity to deceive. My sins are heavy, and sometimes more than I can bear. Words do not seem to be a comfort. I have a memory. It haunts me deeply. The days of old, the days of recent sins. Will God forgive such wickedness? Even the excess of today. How can such a wicked man like me find any help? Some say that my sins are natural. I agree. The Scriptures speak of a natural man. I do not want to be him. It says that his destiny is death. I need something supernatural, beautiful, wonderful, and true. Something greater than I can imagine. I need for God to visit me in my distress and debauchery. The vanity of the world has left me empty and without peace. I looked to all of the counsels of men and religions of the world. I found no peace. Nothing provided hope. Nothing. Are You there? Can you hear me? I am looking, groping for the door. My efforts and redemption are vain. I pray for eyes to see, and ears to hear. Oh God have mercy.